I was first diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), in my 50’s. I always knew that there was something wrong with me, that I was different, that my thinking processes were not ‘normal’. I was first diagnosed with PTSD and depression way back in about 2007. I was given meds and referred to a psychiatrist. The meds worked for a while and made a small difference. I ended up in hospital after a Xanax overdose. I was given more and more meds, and eventually changed psychiatrists twice. Fast forward to 2016. I started therapy again and saw a new psychiatrist. She sent me for a psychological evaluation. It lasted three hours and really didn’t give much useful information. The diagnosis was Generalized anxiety disorder with elements of PTSD, major depressive disorder and personality issues.

I was sent for a further psychological evaluation. This one lasted a solid seven hours and included an EEG. The results from this in depth evaluation were PTSD – Chronic, BPD, Generalized anxiety disorder, social phobia – unspecified, OCD – unspecified and major depressive disorder, recurrent severe without psychotic episodes.

The diagnosis all pointed to BPD being the central part, with the other issues all being part of the make up of BPD.

On January 27th 2018, I walked out of the house and drove to a parking lot where I took a large overdose of medications that I had been saving for the suicide. I was discovered and taken to the hospital slipping in and out of consciousness. More about this in another post. I am writing this diary to try and help my recovery, try to remove the stigma of BPD, and help others who are interested or have the same diagnosis of BPD.